Decision paralysis

I listen to a lot of podcasts. I marvel at the easy flow of the conversation, the well formulated, seemingly naturally emerging questions and the smart responses that lead to insights - some obvious (to me), some new and interesting perspectives on old or new concepts.

I am inspired, sometimes put off, often reassured that my view of the world was on point, or intrigued when the topic went a different way than I anticipated. I feel challenged in my beliefs, uncomfortable or reaching for that just unattainable mental connection that feels almost within reach, but not yet quite.

I learn, I grow, and sometimes I get to share my impressions with others and elaborate on the concepts or thoughts that those experiences gave rise to in me.

Last year, I challenged myself to NOT look up the answer to a question I posed myself - don't ask Google, chat gpt or look it up in books - if I have a question about something, let's start with 'what do I think’? As much as I enjoy learning from others, my thoughts and opinions also have merit. The practice of trying to articulate them, stumbling and fumbling around for words that make them logical to me - and harder yet, help others follow along (whether they agree with them or not); the anxiety related to having something incomplete, imperfect out there - exposing it / myself - to challenges or attack - can be nerve wracking and exhilarating in equal measure.

Hearing my beliefs out loud helps make them real, it helps me fortify or discard them, it guides me to where where foundations are thin or scaffolding brittle. Most importantly, it's helping me move forward.

I can get easily paralysed by the interconnectedness of all things. Pulling one thread invariably leads to infinite nodes and threads that could / should all be considered (and cannot possibly), so if I can't consider them all then I might as well not start.

What I admire most in the podcasts I listen to, is people's ability to stand so clearly for something. How were they able to determine that ONE thing - their platform? I get fomo of myself trying to pick one - what about all the other things that are connected to it? I can't just ignore them..!? And so I often pick none - and stay quiet, and dismiss the validity of my thoughts, opinions, beliefs. This website and some of the articles on it are proof that sometimes I do just challenge myself to get over it. The energy builds up to the point where my indecision has no more space and it just has to come out. Like this one.

And how liberating to just let it flow, without condemnation, only acceptance and a joy of imperfect exploration.

I will make a deal with myself: rather than wait for excess energy to build me up to action, I will do what countless people have done before me: practice regularly. So, you'll be hearing from me more often - and if you don't, nudge me to stay true to the promise I made to myself.