First person connection

Once I notice something, I feel like I see it pop up all around me. Do you know that feeling?

Recently, I've started noticing people speak in the second or third person about their experiences. "Oh, you know how frustrated we get when he does all the talking; or 'we are so busy that we don't find time to exercise"; "we are disappointed when people cancel late".

Born out of a (likely) unconscious desire to connect, feel reassured and seen, I assume that others' experience of situations is exactly the same as our own. That can be reassuring or make the emotion less unsettling.  It's like a warm safety blanket that gives but a short-lived hit.

Because right at the point where there is most need and opportunity for true connection, using 'you' or 'we' rather than 'I' actually disconnects. And so a bid for connection becomes a bid for validation.

Imagine hearing these sentences in the first person in a conversation.  (When x happens, it makes me feel y.)  How differently would you respond?

And now imagine you saying these (or your own) sentences in the first person.  I'm not suggesting it's easy.  It requires courage to face up to our  experiences and emotions, to inspect them, reflect on them; to truly connect with them.  But how powerful, clarifying - enlightening - even! 

So next time you hear yourself or others use 'you' or 'we' when describing an emotion, will you choose to connect?